The 411 you need
the scoop on bookings and payments.
Do I need to book an appointment in advance?
Yes, all sessions are by appointment only. This lets me give each client my full attention and keep the vibe calm and unrushed.
How do I pay for my appointment?
Easy — no prepay, no hoops. You’ll settle up at your appointment. I take cash, check, card, Venmo, Zelle, or digital wallet. Whatever works for you works for me.
How long of an appointment should I book?
45 or 60 minutes = quick hits like MTV music videos: targeted relief
75 or 90 minutes = full body plus extra attention to tight spots, like replaying the entire “Stand by Me” soundtrack.
120 minutes = epic double-album treatment (think Pink Floyd’s “The Wall”) for a full head-to-toe reset.
Can I book a massage if I’m pregnant?
I don’t specialize in prenatal massage — it’s like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded for me. But I can recommend a therapist trained in prenatal care.
Can Gen Z or Alpha get a massage?
Age 18+ — most excellent.
Age 14-17 - yes, but a parent must be on site and sign a permission slip.
Age 13 and under - nope, but I can recommend a therapist for your Cabbage Patch Kid.
Do you offer packages or memberships?
Nope. Keeping it simple — no soup (er, memberships) for you!
Do you offer discounts?
Nope — one price list to rule them all.
Can I buy a gift card?
Nope, but you can book and pay for your best homie’s massage on my booking page.
the lowdown on arrivals and cancellations.
How early should I arrive?
5–10 minutes before your scheduled session. Enough time to chill out, use the restroom, and start on time.
What if I’m running late?
Your session may need to be shortened out of respect for the next client’s time. Full fee still applies.
What is your cancellation policy?
24+ hours = cool beans, full refund.
Under 24 hours = 50% fee.
No show (aka ditching me like it’s prom night, 1987) = full fee.
Emergencies = exceptions, because real life is not a sitcom rerun.
Stay home if you’re sick — cooties, am I right?
the straight dope on what happens during your massage.
Will I undress for my massage?
Undress to your comfort level. You’ll always be draped, and only the area I’m working on will be uncovered.
Doesn’t deep tissue massage hurt?
Sometimes less pressure works just as well. Sometimes deeper pressure works better, but we build up slowly. It can feel “Hurts So Good,” but you always control the depth.
What if I feel uncomfortable during the massage?
I’ll check in, like adjusting the volume on a boombox until the sound is just right.
If anything feels off, speak up — I can turn it up, turn it down, pause, or stop.
Consent and comfort come first, so “Who’s the Boss?” It’s you.
the skinny on what comes after your massage.
Do you accept tips?
No tips required. Prices already reflect the value of my work. If you want to show appreciation, a positive review or referral means the world.
What if I didn’t love my massage?
No extra lives here — refunds aren’t part of the game. Totally key: speak up if something’s off. The more feedback, the more I can make it work like a boss-level cheat code for your muscles.
What should I do after my massage?
Drink water, move a little, maybe stretch. A hot bath = bonus level unlocked.
How often should I get a massage?
Weekly, monthly, or as often as your budget and schedule allow.
Regular maintenance helps prevent small issues from turning into big ones — like not ignoring the check engine light in your ‘92 Honda Civic.
